Paint Me a Wish in the Velvet Sky
1. The Things We’ll Never Know
One more time in this game we play
Sorry that I couldn’t make you stay
Placing pieces in the floor
Of all the things that we loved before
“Brad, wait!”
He didn’t. Where did he get off walking away like this, anyway? It wasn’t as if…
“Brad-“
“Luko’s going to give me a ride. Back to my place.”
He hadn’t been back to his place in months. The only reason he still had it was because he hadn’t managed to sublet it yet.
“But, why?”
“Because I don’t want to be around you right now, okay?”
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you. Whoever said that was a fucking idiot.
“I-I don’t get it. What did I do?”
“It was my fight, Vinny! Mine! You weren’t supposed to get involved!”
So this was the result of caring too much? Shit, ready a guillotine please.
“What, you wanted me to stand by and watch you get your face smashed in?”
“Yeah, I’d rather have that than you jumping in to play hero.”
Nothing stung more than pride that had been trodden upon. Maybe.
“What? I wasn’t-“
“But I guess it’s not your fault, is it?”
What was this? A sudden epiphany of thought? Was Brad moving the piece where it should have been moved in the first place?
“Brad-“
“It’s not like you can help yourself. Some of us are meant to be stars. I’m just meant to be a sidekick.”
Who’s fault was it the world was made this way? If he needed a brighter star to shine next to, who could take the blame? Not that, of course, he should know this.
“That’s not how it is.”
“Isn’t it?”
Jesus, fuck him. Things had been this way since forever, and the steps wrote themselves. They were never going to change. And tonight…tonight, it was no night to dance them again. Maybe some other night, when the exhaustion was less, when the mind didn’t feel like soft pudding.
“Well if that’s what you think, why are you still with me?”
“You know, that’s a really good question.”
Walk away, walk away. Tomorrow would be a better time to sort this out. To make him see that that’s how it was meant to be. There were goals, and there were assists. Every star had a shadow. There was no other way for it.
“Vinny, look out!”
“What…?“
2. Wonderland
Well it might get better, because it can’t get any worse…
This wonderland, is this the life you thought you would have
This wonderland, is this where you dreamed you would be
He woke up with a pounding headache, and even though it felt like a hangover, he knew it wasn’t one. He hadn’t gone drinking last night. No, after the game he had come straight home and gone to bed. Perhaps he was coming down with something?
He groaned as a sick man might groan and sat up slowly, blinking to rid his eyes of the Sandman’s dust. God, why was it so fucking bright? It couldn’t possibly be that late, could it? A quick glance at the clock said that it just might. He sighed heavily, throwing back the flowery duvet he didn’t remember buying and stood. Didn’t there used to be carpet to greet his feet? He could have sworn yes.
“Vince?” A very beautiful, but also very pregnant woman walked into the room. Caroline. With her sleek black hair, chic makeup, and her stick thin figure, the distended belly somehow seemed wrong on her. To be honest, she seemed wrong in general.
“Vince, are you all right? It’s not like you to wake up so late.” Caroline sounded more annoyed than concerned. He frowned. It wasn’t exactly how he wanted his day to start.
“Was it the game? You seemed okay last night. Do you want me to call the trainer?”
“No,” he bit out. “I’m fine.”
She played the concerned wife so very well, didn’t she? He never understood why she kept it up when they were alone though, really-
“Carrie? Have you-“ A new voice, belonging to one John Michael Liles. Huh. He had almost forgotten that they were housing the rookie. No wonder Caroline was still careful with her words.
Johnny grinned, leaning against the doorway to the master suite. He had dirty blonde hair that fell into sweet blue eyes, and a puppy dog smile to match. But he was all wrong as well. “Still in bed, eh. Are we not going to the skate today then?”
“No. I’m going.” He made his way over to his closet, ignoring his twinging knees with every step. Fuck, ever since that injury, his knees never failed to ache after waking up. For a while, he had depended on painkillers to function, until everyone realized that the painkillers had become an addiction. Six months in rehab; he’d rather deal with the aching.
He quickly yanked on some clothes, noticing Caroline giving him a strange look. What, he had to be well dressed everyday?
“Vince, are you sure-“
“I’m fine!” Eyes flashing, voice snapping, he brushed her off and stormed out. Johnny followed him down the stairs.
“Dude, she’s your pregnant wife, take it easy on her, huh?”
He glared at the kid as one would an unwanted parasite. “I don’t need you telling me how to treat my own wife.”
Johnny shrank back slightly, acted like he was going to hit him or something. Had he ever struck the kid before? Not that he could remember. Then why…didn’t matter, the kid was stupid as hell. Hell of a fuck though. And that was the only reason he’d been kept around for so long.
They were late enough that he decided to forgo breakfast. He didn’t feel hungry anyway. When they got to the garage, he tossed Johnny the keys to his BMW.
“You drive.”
“But…but you never let me drive.”
“Well I’m telling you to fucking drive now, okay?”
Johnny winced. And drove. And he stared out the passenger side window. Three years in Colorado now, and he still wasn’t used to the snow. Wasn’t it supposed to be sunshine and palm trees during hockey season? That was the only thing he missed about playing in Tampa. Not the coach though. Oh no. Tortorella could go to hell. No one fucking sat him.
Johnny glanced over apprehensively at him during a stop. “Hey Vince?”
“Yeah?” A kinder tone. He wasn’t a total asshole, really. And underneath the inherent stupidity, he was pretty fond of the kid.
“So um, Toronto tonight. What do you think?”
“About what? Their team?” He snorted derisively. “Cat shit. They’ve got nothing…except Brad Richards.”
3. Spotlight
So now you’ve had a taste of what it’s like to be
Sitting in the spotlight, or would you rather be
In someone else’s shoes not knowing who you are…
But it’s not the end of the world quite yet
And all of these things will get better I bet
Brad Richards. The most favored son of Toronto. The superstar more Gretzky than Greztky. The bane of his existence.
He knew Richards once, a long time ago, when they were both teenagers in Notre Dame. Richards had been such a wet rag. Clingy. Insecure. Cried at night, when he though no on would hear. But someone did hear. And that someone finally grew tired of putting up with Richards and told him where he could go.
They hadn’t spoken since.
He had moved on to Rimouski, Richards went back to play for his hometown team. Such a shitty little team it was, too. It wasn’t exactly hard to become a star there. Still, Brad did become a star. He went second overall in the draft.
“Vince, come on, team meeting.” Joe Sakic. The captain. Calling. Right, of course, they played Toronto tonight. Time to go over the game plan, wasn’t it?
He stayed on the ice just for a few minutes longer though, to help shag some pucks. This earned him some strange glances from his teammates, as though they’d never seen him help rookies clear the ice before. He had. He could have sworn he had. Jesus, just because he was Vincent Lecavalier…
First overall, beating out Brad Richards, with a name that even today carried some stature, commanded respect. Sure, maybe not as much as it once did-before the injury, before the hold out, the trade-but still. He was Vincent Le-fucking-cavalier.
…didn’t mean he was a total snob.
He drove home, only because Johnny decided to go out with Hinote. Which made him wonder if maybe he could convince Johnny to bring Dan home with him, but seeing how it was a game day, it probably shouldn’t happen. Some other day then.
“Vince, I’m so glad you made it back in time.” Caroline, trying to give the appearnce of understated wealth with pearl earrings. Too bad she still reeked of cheap perfume like a whore. “I’ve got a doctor’s appointment. You could come, you know. We’ll get back before you need your pre-game nap.”
If there was one thing he wanted less than spending more time with Caroline, it was for her to have that baby. He feared he was going to make a shitty father.
“I don’t feel too well. I’m just going to nap now. You can go without me.”
Caroline’s eyes narrowed. She knew Johnny wasn’t around, and she could drop any pretenses. “You know Vince, this is your child too. You could at least try to be involved.”
“Caroline…you’re going to be late.”
She threw up her slender hands, making the diamond on her ring finger flash almost angrily. “God, you’ve always been so fucking selfish. I don’t know why I married you.”
And there was that feeling, the one that was expressed in French, that flashed through him even as the words dropped from his mouth. “Why did you?”
“Because I thought you were going to be a star.”
Who was it that said words could never hurt you? Because that person was a fucking idiot. And why did he feel like he had had this thought before?
“I am a star.”
“No Vince. People like stars. You’re just a damn talented hockey player that everyone hates.” Caroline smiled so sweetly; so wrong that such poison should come from those lips. And she left.
He thought of calling Johnny’s cell and telling the kid to hurry home. He didn’t really feel like sleeping alone. But he did anyway. Because he thought it would be better.
4. Redemption
Four AM two hours to go
I’m wearing out a lonely glow
I miss you more than I could know
Here I am, here I am,
Won’t you get me?
It was almost time for the puck to drop, and yet he was not dressed in his gear. He was not even in his dressing room. No, he was lurking outside around the visitor’s dressing room hallway in socks and shorts, because…well to be completely honest, he didn’t know why. It was a stupid urge to get water that led him down the wrong hall that led him to where he was now. And he couldn’t bring himself to leave.
He watched a few Leafs players, one of which was Richards, kick a soccer ball around. They hadn’t seen him and he should go, but fuck if he could make his feet obey him. He just…He just really wanted to talk to Richards.
It's not like he had ever had good impulse control but this was the dumbest fucking compulsion he had ever given into. There was no reason he should want to talk to Richards, he hadn't since the draft. Not that he really had before either.
Richards was alone with the ball now, his teammates having gone in to dress for the game. It seemed as though he was waiting for someone, maybe...no. Richards could not possibly be waiting for him. He was the one who beat Richards for first overall. He was the one who didn’t eat lunch with Richards that first day. He-
“-thought I’d find you here.”
Who was that, Stajan? Matt Stajan? That one Leaf rookie?
Richards smiled, kicking the ball up and holding it still. “You thought right.”
Stajan smiled back and quickly kissed Richards. “You coming in now? You’ll be the last one ready, like you like.”
Not that he had a problem seeing two men kiss, it was only that it was Richards. Kissing some guy. And for some reason, it irked him, like it wasn’t supposed to be this way. Another stupid feeling, why were there so many today? He didn’t give a flying fuck what Richards was up to.
“Yeah? Just hang on a second more.” Richards kissed Stajan this time, then grinned. Didn’t Richards used to grin at him that way?
“Okay, now we can go in.”
He watched them leave, suddenly feeling the desire to break down and sob uncontrollably. But the worst thing was, he knew exactly why he felt that way. He didn’t know how he knew, he just knew.
Brad was supposed to be his.
5. Leaving Town
Nothing in life will ever come that easy
Doesn’t mean it has to be that hard
I know you will find out who you are
Cause I remember how we shared time together
And how you used to say that stars are forever…
The game was a blur. He couldn’t tell who had won or who had lost, all the details escape him. He did know he was going to get chewed out by the coach tomorrow for his inattention on the ice, but that didn’t matter at the moment. The only thing that mattered was getting home, so he could sleep off his splitting headache. God, his fingers were trembling as he stripped off his jersey.
There were just so many-too many-thoughts in his head that he never had; memories he didn’t remember making, and it was all driving him insane.
He discovered that enough scowling could make his teammates leave him alone, and a well placed snarl could make Johnny run off to stay at Dan’s, and he could simply ignore Caroline. She was asleep when he got in anyway.
And even asleep she rolled away from him when he slid under the covers next to her. It didn’t matter. Her body was too soft, her hair too long, her scent too flowery, and fuck somehow he found himself missing Brad. Not that he had ever had Brad. Or maybe he had.
He fell asleep hoping everything would go back to normal when he woke.
It didn’t.
He woke up wanting to cry. He was Vincent Le-fucking-cavalier, for chrissake. He was married and played for Colorado. He shouldn not be wishing to see palm trees outside his windows. He should not be wishing to reach out and hold Brad.
“Heya Vince.” Johnny tip toed in unobtrusively, trying to make himself seem small. No small wonder why, given how he had been yelled at last night. It said something about his character that he came back the next morning. “Carrie asked me to come up and check on you.”
Was it late again? Strange, he felt early.
“You okay?” Johnny carefully sat down on the corner of his bed. “You really don’t look so good.”
He sat up, rubbing at his burning eyes. “I’m not okay. I…is there anyway I can get in touch with Brad? I think I need to talk to him.”
“Richards?” Johnny looked amused. The little bastard. What did he have to be so smug about? “Maybe. But it’s not like he’ll talk to you.”
“What?” He wasn’t sure he liked this new attitude of Johnny’s.
“Hmm, I had no idea you would remember.” Johnny smirked. “Look, go back to sleep. I’ll see what I can do to make things better.”
He narrowed his eyes at Johnny, glaring balefully. Despite the strangeness of the situation, whatever was happening, Johnny seemed to be the one with all the answers. “No, you’ll tell me what the fuck is going on right now.”
“Are you sure you can handle knowing?” Johnny tilted his head to one side. “Hey, okay. You were the one who said every star had a shadow. But he was the one who made the wish on a star.”
And of course he knew exactly who he was. “…what did he wish for?”
"You can't even begin to imagine the extent of what he wants. But in short, I think it’s just to make you see that maybe you needed him too.”
“Then why wouldn’t you want me to remember?”
"Because you see how it is? Now you’re the one wanting.” Johnny sighed. “Hey, as one friend to the next, I was only extending you a bit of protective netting. What you want is most definitely out of your reach. Push comes to shove, you’ll come falling down on me. And now the question is, can you get him out of your system?"
He paused. But there was never a doubt in his mind what the answer was, is, and would always be.
6. One Last Time
I’m lost without your sight
I can’t think without your mind
There’s comfort in the night
When I wake up by your side
His eyes cracked open and god it was like that morning when everything was so fucking bright. He blinked a few times, and the room grew dim on him. Or maybe it was never bright to begin with. Next to him he heard beeping from a machine…perhaps it was a heart monitor? A brain monitor? It was hard to tell. But it was enough to scare him. What had happened to him?
“Hey…I know you can hear me.”
He turned his head as far as he could without yanking out any of the wires attached to him to see Brad on his other side. Brad was a mess, mangy and pale with bloodshot eyes. But Brad was there. And he was suddenly filled with warm relief, knowing Brad was with him, and whatever had happened didn’t matter so much anymore.
“I’m sorry. I never should have-“ Brad paused, picking up his hand, and accompanying the warm breath on his palm was a tear. “Wake up, okay. Please. I need you.”
“Brad…”
“Oh god, you’re awake…I have to-I should get the doctor, I’ll-“ Brad stood, ready to rush off, ready to do whatever he needed only his hand is held tight by the one lying on the bed.
“Wait.”
“But I have to—“
“Brad.” And Brad paused. And now he could finally correct Brad on his biggest mistake. His breath was shaky, like he was trying to hold back tears or something. “I was the one who always needed you. The only reason I had to be anything was so I could deserve you.”
“Vinny…”
That one word Brad uttered made him feel that if he had to die right now, he would have died happy.
Then he let Brad leave to get a doctor, and closed his eyes, knowing that when he opened them again, Brad would still be there.
So maybe he wasn’t Vincent Le-fucking-cavalier. But he was Vinny. More importantly, he was Brad’s Vinny. And everything was going to be all right.